Requiem for the Racehorses (single, released 9/15/2023)
Another racehorse is euthanized
here at the tracks. It’s no surprise—
thousands bred and killed each year,
commodities for the racing industry.
The injured, bleeding, sick and lame
are medicated and raced the same.
The young horses, not fully grown,
tear their flesh and break their bones.
Horses love to run when they’re free to run.
They’re driven by the sun and wind—it’s in their blood.
They’re not driven by a whip, ridden to exhaustion, drugged to mask the pain.
Crashing down before the crowd,
breaking bones as they hit the ground,
euthanized and then replaced—
people say it’s just part of the race.
There’s no requiem for the racehorses.
These are the pawns in a gambler’s game,
locked in stalls for hours a day.
Some earn money but in the end
there’s no home awaiting them.
They’re discarded when they have no use,
sold at auction, scared and confused.
Sent to slaughter, robbed of their grace—
a final betrayal as they’re dragged away.
Horses love to run when they’re free to run.
They’re driven by the sun and wind—it’s in their blood.
They’re not driven by a whip, ridden to exhaustion, drugged to mask the pain.
Crashing down before the crowd,
breaking bones as they hit the ground,
euthanized and then replaced—
People say it’s just part of the race.
There’s no requiem for the racehorses.
No requiem for the racehorses, no requiem.
Credits:
Music and Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg ©
Vocals, background vocals, guitars, keyboards, percussion: Nicolette Aubourg
Bass, piano, additional percussion: Jorgen Carlsson
Produced by Nicolette Aubourg
Co-produced by Jorgen Carlsson
Engineered by Nicolette Aubourg & Jorgen Carlsson
Mixed by Jorgen Carlsson
Mastered by Steve Holroyd
©(P) Syresham Music/Nicolette Aubourg (ASCAP)
"You'll Rise up Again (For South Africa)" (single, released 9/30/21)
Cry beloved South Africa!
Many times you’ve been betrayed -
You’ll rise up again.
And the anger of the flames,
Burning with the people’s pain,
Will be quenched with hope and tears -
You’ll rise up again.
All the broken people’s hearts
Will be bonded with the scars -
Stronger and more beautiful -
You’ll rise up again.
Cry beloved South Africa!
Many times you’ve been betrayed -
You’ll rise up again.
Credits:
Music and Lyrics: Nicolette Aubourg ©2021
Guitar and Vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Produced by Nicolette Aubourg
Mixed & Mastered by Steve Holroyd
Published: Syresham Music (ASCAP)
ISRC #: US2SM2100042
"Take the Guns Away" (single, released 8/21/19)
We’re calling out to you who never hear them cry,
We’re calling out to you who never see them die,
We’re calling to you: take the guns away.
Is the right to use a gun more sacred than a life?
No consequence enough to make you change your mind?
The bullets ricochet the same way every day.
Take the guns away.
Echoes in the schools, through hallways and classrooms,
gunfire in theaters and places of worship,
‘cause when a man holds a gun, it is Fate that he becomes.
It was never meant to be - this sabotage of Destiny.
Take the guns away.
Columbine High School, Colorado, thirteen
Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, thirty-two
Binghamton Civic Center, New York, thirteen
Fort Hood Military Base, Texas, thirteen
Aurora theater, Colorado, twelve
Sandy Hook elementary school, twenty-seven
Washington Navy Yard, D.C., twelve
San Bernardino Christmas party, fourteen
Orlando night club, forty-nine
Las Vegas music festival, fifty-eight
Sutherland Springs Baptist church, twenty-six
Douglas High School, Parkland, seventeen
Santa Fe High School, Texas, ten
Tree of Life synagogue, Pittsburgh, eleven
Border Bar, Thousand Oaks, twelve
To be continued...
To be continued...
Credits:
Music and lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg
Produced, Engineered and Mixed by Erik Eldenius
Mastering Engineer: Steve Holroyd
Nicolette Aubourg: vocals and acoustic guitar
Erik Eldenius: drums, piano, electric guitar
Jorgen Carlsson: bass
(P) Syresham Music/Nicolette Aubourg (ASCAP)
℗© Nicolette Aubourg 2019
Original Artwork by Dina Farris Appel ©
WILD HORSE RUNNING FREE (album, released October 2016)
1. Apartheid
reflection on a racially segregated society of persecution versus privilege
Sleeping in a white bed, safe within a big house…
Going to a white school, living by the rules…
Hiding from the young boys… Playing with my new toys…
Climbing in the tall trees… Laughing in the breeze…
We were living on the other side of their desperation,
where humanity was denied by segregation.
A people persecuted according to their colour –
victims of a system called Apartheid.
Lying on a white beach… Driving down a wide street…
Dancing in a new dress… Watching the sunset…
We were living on the other side of their desperation,
where humanity was denied by segregation.
A people persecuted according to their colour –
victims of a system called Apartheid.
Conditioned to believe in an unjust legal system,
conditioned to accept and to not question
the enforcements to abide by the
laws that made us different,
we lived our separate lives, polarized,
black and white, stigmatized –
the privileged and the other side.
Credits:
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg © 2016
℗© 2016 Syresham Music (Nicolette Aubourg) (ASCAP)
Vocals & Acoustic Guitar/12-string Guitar: Nicolette Aubourg
Bass & Percussion: Jorgen Carlsson
Wurlitzer: John J.T. Thomas
Produced by Jorgen Carlsson & Nicolette Aubourg
Engineered by Jorgen Carlsson
Vocals & Acoustic Guitars recorded by Nicolette Aubourg
Mixed by Jorgen Carlsson at Roger’s Boat Studio
Mastered by Steve Holroyd
2. Wild Horse Running Free
an advocacy for suicide prevention
How many ways can I show to you
the value of you?
How many words can I use to prove
the goodness in you?
It’s your life – it’s a diamond – don’t throw it away today.
It’s your life – it’s a river – don’t change its course to the sea.
It’s a wild horse running, running free.
Of all the stars in the heavens
there isn’t one like you.
I hold a mirror with the truth:
there’s beauty inside you!
It’s your life – it’s a diamond – don’t throw it away today.
It’s your life – it’s a river – don’t change its course to the sea.
It’s a wild horse running, running free.
Destiny and prophecy,
good fortune and bad –
whichever you choose to foresee,
the script is in your hand.
It’s your life – it’s a diamond – don’t throw it away today.
It’s your life – it’s a river – don’t change its course to the sea.
It’s a wild horse running, running free.
Credits:
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg © 2016
℗© 2016 Syresham Music (Nicolette Aubourg) (ASCAP)
Acoustic Guitar & Vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Bass, Moog Bass & Percussion: Jorgen Carlsson
Piano: John J.T. Thomas
Produced by Jorgen Carlsson & Nicolette Aubourg
Engineered by Jorgen Carlsson except
Acoustic Guitar engineered by Steve Holroyd
Mixed by Jorgen Carlsson at Roger’s Boat Studio
Mastered by Steve Holroyd
3. Katrina – Forsaken Place
commentary on the 2005 Bush administration’s delayed response to the victims of Hurricane Katrina
There’s not much wealth so what’s to lose?
In the French Quarter, some jazz and blues...
The levee might hold, and it might break,
but the forces in Iraq are in their place.
Think it over at your ease;
don’t want to rush and spread disease.
Don’t mind the drownings, the desperate pleas,
the missing children, the sick and elderly.
These waters of a forsaken place,
these tears of a forsaken place – hear the people.
Their salvation compromised
by days and weeks politicized –
the bureaucracy takes precedence
over the waters’ nameless faces.
So you turn a blind eye to your own storm.
You give no answer, leave them forlorn.
Do you feel nothing for the women raped
after their lives had been saved?
These waters of a forsaken place,
these tears that wash their hopes away – hear the people.
These are the pictures the world will see;
these are people you say you lead –
hear the people; hear the people, hear.
Credits:
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg © 2016
℗© 2016 Syresham Music (Nicolette Aubourg) (ASCAP)
Acoustic Guitars, Cello & Vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Bass & Percussion: Jorgen Carlsson
Electric Guitar: Toshi Yanagi
Piano: John J.T. Thomas
Produced by Jorgen Carlsson & Nicolette Aubourg
Engineered by Jorgen Carlsson
Vocals & Acoustic guitars recorded by Nicolette Aubourg
Mixed by Jorgen Carlsson at Roger’s Boat Studio
Mastered by Steve Holroyd
4. Child of Darfur
written in response to a photograph taken in 1993 by the late photojournalist Kevin Carter of a starving little girl in Sudan
Looking at a photograph of a child born in this tragedy:
no-one cares that a vulture stares – this is not human.
A mother gave all she could give but this tiny child has her outlived,
and lies alone with nothing but the beads around her neck.
How can there be such extremes –
we who take more than we need,
and the ones whose lives we just ignore
living far away from our front door
in their poverty and war, like this child of Darfur?
It would be a miracle if the rains would come,
but it’s not the sound of thunder – it’s just the distant guns.
And far away we watch TV, shake our heads and click our tongues;
we change the channel and justify why it’s them and it’s not us.
How can there be such extremes –
we who take more than we need,
and the ones whose lives we just ignore
living far away from our front door
in their poverty and war, like this child of Darfur?
With her hands held to her head, the sun above, the sand her bed;
why must she know about starvation, war, and being alone?
How much more can people take before their bodies and minds break,
before all hope is gone and the human spirit leaves the face?
New clothes, new cars, new homes, new TV’s –
do we consume and live by greed, accumulating and wasting?
Credits:
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg © 2016
℗© 2016 Syresham Music (Nicolette Aubourg) (ASCAP)
Acoustic Guitars and Vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Bass, CP-70 Electric Grand Piano, Electric Guitar & Percussion: Jorgen Carlsson
Produced by Jorgen Carlsson & Nicolette Aubourg
Engineered by Jorgen Carlsson
Vocals engineered by Steve Holroyd
Acoustic guitars recorded by Nicolette Aubourg
Mixed by Jorgen Carlsson at Roger’s Boat Studio
Mastered by Steve Holroyd
5. In My Cage
for animals suffering in captivity
Does anyone hear me when I hit the floor?
Does anyone hear me when you close the door
to my cage? Does anyone hear me?
You say you need me to brighten up your world –
make the children smile, teach them all you’ve learned
of my ways when I was wild.
Free me! Why don’t you free me
from this cage you’ve locked me in?
Hear me! Why can’t you hear me
calling those I left behind
when I was wild?
I remember the taste of rain, distant calls at night,
the earth beneath my feet, green and golden light,
no horizons – starry skies!
Free me! Why don’t you free me
from this cage you’ve locked me in?
Hear me! Why can’t you hear me
calling those I left behind
when I was wild?
The open spaces I used to roam – they were my home.
Running wild, the sun and moon they were my guide.
Does anyone hear me in my cage?
Does anyone hear me in my cage, in my cage?
Credits:
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg © 2016
℗© 2016 Syresham Music (Nicolette Aubourg) (ASCAP)
Acoustic Guitars & Vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Bass & Percussion: Jorgen Carlsson
Piano: John J.T. Thomas
Produced by Jorgen Carlsson & Nicolette Aubourg
Engineered by Jorgen Carlsson
Vocals & Acoustic Guitars recorded by Nicolette Aubourg
Mixed by Jorgen Carlsson at Roger’s Boat Studio
Mastered by Steve Holroyd
6. Madiba, dedication to Nelson Mandela
inspired by Nelson Mandela’s autobiography, “Long Walk to Freedom”
A wise man plants a garden where there is bloodshed.
He plants Understanding where there is hatred.
He waters it with the tears of the ones who are oppressed;
he warms it with the memories of the fallen ones,
and it bears Hope:
a garden to be equally shared; a garden to be equally shared.
Madiba, Madiba, your long walk brought Freedom!
Hear the people sing!
Madiba, Madiba, you carried Redemption home!
One man can change the world; one man can change the world.
A great man is willing to die that Justice be done.
Imprisoned far from his loved ones for twenty-seven years
in a nation torn apart by the laws of apartheid
where people were persecuted for the colour of their skin –
but he forgives.
He sees the good in all mankind; he sees a way to reconcile.
Madiba, Madiba, your long walk brought Freedom!
Hear the people sing!
Madiba, Madiba, you carried Redemption home!
One man can change the world; one man can change the world.
A strong man gives a voice to those who had no choice,
and the petals of Equality blossom with Dignity.
He reaches far and wide to hear the words of all humanity,
and the ones who worked to right the wrong are in his heart and in his soul;
he carries on.
He’s the tree of strength sprung from their well; he’s the tree of strength sprung from their well.
Madiba, Madiba, your long walk brought Freedom!
Hear the people sing!
Madiba, Madiba, you carried Redemption home!
One man can change the world; one man can change the world;
change the world.
Credits:
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg © 2012
℗© 2012-2016 Syresham Music (Nicolette Aubourg) (ASCAP)
Vocals & Guitars: Nicolette Aubourg
Bass, Drums & Percussion: Jorgen Carlsson
Piano: T-Bone Andersson
Produced by Jorgen Carlsson
Engineered by Steve Holroyd
Mixed by Jorgen Carlsson at Roger’s Boat Studio
Mastered by Steve Holroyd
7. In Quarantine
addressing the global apathy to the 2014 Ebola epidemic
In places of such poverty, lives are claimed by this disease –
a thousand faces zipped away while other nations work and play.
The world stands by as we watch them die in quarantine.
A mother brings her dying son to the make-shift hospital
and she gives her child away; she’ll never touch his face again.
She falls crying to her knees as he’s quarantined.
No one should have to choose between saving their own life and holding their child.
No one should have to suffer this much without even the comfort of a loved one’s touch.
A young man holds his bleeding friend on a scooter as he drives
To try to find someone to help, but it will cost him his own life.
The world stands by as we watch them die in quarantine.
And a hymn is sung to start each day before the doctors put on layers
that might protect their bodies, but cannot shield their memories
from the tragedy as the people grieve in quarantine.
The drug companies in the rest of the world
have no incentive to find a cure –
they won’t invest if no profit’s to be made.
Where is compassion when nothing’s to gain?
Wealthy nations turn their backs and leave the work to volunteers and charities.
No one should have to choose between saving their own life and holding their child.
No one should have to suffer this much without even the comfort of a loved one’s touch.
Ebola, Ebola, Ebola, Ebola…
Credits:
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg © 2016
℗© Syresham Music (Nicolette Aubourg) (ASCAP)
Acoustic Guitar and Vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Bass & Percussion: Jorgen Carlsson
Baritone Electric Guitar: Toshi Yanagi
Piano: John J.T. Thomas
Produced by Jorgen Carlsson & Nicolette Aubourg
Engineered & Mixed by Jorgen Carlsson at Roger’s Boat Studio
Vocals & Acoustic Guitars recorded by Nicolette Aubourg
Mastered by Steve Holroyd
8. Made in China
an interdependence destroying local cultures and economies
We need the work in our own land;
the unemployed just stare and stand.
There’s no work from door to door
‘cause nothing’s made here anymore – it’s made in China.
I travel far to get away –
a little place for a holiday.
I find a gift – a souvenir,
but it’s not made by the locals here – it’s made in China.
She needs us, but she stands alone.
She feeds us, can she feed her own?
She’s ancient, she’s a prodigy.
She’s scary, but we’re on our knees to China.
She fills our need to buy things cheap –
with prices, we just can’t compete
and we won’t pay more from our own stores.
This way we can buy much more – if it’s made in China!
She needs us, but she stands alone.
She feeds us, can she feed her own?
She’s ancient, she’s a prodigy.
She’s scary, but we’re on our knees to China.
I met a boy from far away.
He used to work all night and day –
he had no time to eat or sleep –
he was just an average employee; he was made in China.
Credits:
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg © 2016
℗© 2016 Syresham Music (Nicolette Aubourg) (ASCAP)
Acoustic Guitar, Baritone Guitar, Keyboards & Vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Percussion: Jorgen Carlsson
Produced by Jorgen Carlsson & Nicolette Aubourg
Engineered & Mixed by Jorgen Carlsson at Roger’s Boat Studio
Vocals, Acoustic Guitars & Keyboard recorded by Nicolette Aubourg
Mastered by Steve Holroyd
SONGS FROM WILLOW GLEN (Album, released 2007)
1. Learning to live without you
There must be some advantage to
living without you;
some kind of compensation for the
pain of missing you.
They say that I’ll recover -
they say that people do.
But I’m not them and they’re not you,
so how can I believe it’s true?
The more I think about it,
the more I think of you.
So I go online, I choose a few,
but their faces are not you.
I drink some wine, I take a hike,
talk on the phone, see if you’re home.
I read a book, I try to cook,
I write a song, I try to be strong.
I’m learning to live without you.
I’m learning to live without you.
I can walk around naked
without any makeup.
I can have all the covers,
I can take on a lover.
I can cry when I want to,
I can dance like I once did,
but there’s one thing I can’t do:
I can’t seem to learn to live
without you.
There’s a place beside me
where you used to sleep.
There’s a space inside me
where you used to be.
I watch the moon so pretty,
I watch it on my own.
Driving through the city,
I can’t seem to find my way
all alone.
But I’m learning to live without you.
I’m learning to live without you.
I’m learning to live without you.
Words & Music by Nicolette Aubourg ©2005
Nicolette Aubourg: Vocals & Acoustic Guitar
Jorgen Carlsson: Bass & Percussion
Jeff Young: Piano & Hammond B3 Organ
Stefanie Fife: Cello
2. Wild One
Wild One,
caught in the streetlight,
safe in my arms,
you don’t know where you’re going,
you won’t say where you’re from.
Am I supposed to tame you
or are you here to save me?
Are our lives intertwined just to
hold a mirror to each other’s eyes, -
with the same lessons in life?
We could heal each other’s pain -
hold on till the sun comes up again.
You see I think we’re both confused
who to trust and what we’ll lose,
Wild One.
Am I supposed to tame you
or are you here to save me?
Are our lives intertwined just to
hold a mirror to each other’s eyes, -
with the same lessons in life?
I see ghosts and premonitions
walking hand in hand.
How can there be such contradictions
in my life and in my head,
Wild One?
Am I supposed to tame you
or are you here to save me?
Are our lives intertwined just to
hold a mirror to each other’s eyes?
Or was I right from the start -
that you would take and break my heart,
leave me lonely, leave me alone
in this empty, empty home?
Or was I right from the start -
that you would take and break my heart,
leave me lonely, leave me alone
in this empty, empty home?
Words & Music by Nicolette Aubourg ©2007
Nicolette Aubourg: Vocals & Acoustic Guitar
Jorgen Carlsson: Bass & Electric Guitar
Jeff Young: Hammond B3 Organ
Stefanie Fife: Cello
3. I Should Have Saved Myself
The first time that I saw you
your eyes told a story.
Your smile was full of pain
and I wanted you to stay.
I tried to be near you.
After all these years
I thought that you would hear me.
But the candle you burn in my heart
is wax that keeps falling,
and I hold on to the pain
just to be near you.
Slip away, before I give it all again -
slip away.
Slip away, before I give it all again -
slip away.
I hold on to the pain just to be near you.
Is there a reason
you came into my life?
That you should have taught me
humility, there is no doubt.
But I was slow to learn,
slow to learn,
and my heart still burns for you tonight.
Slip away, before I give it all again -
slip away.
Slip away, before I give it all again -
slip away.
I hold on to the pain just to be near you.
I should have saved myself -
saved myself,
before I tried to rescue you
into my life;
saved myself, saved myself -
before I tried to rescue you
into my life.
Words & Music by Nicolette Aubourg ©1992
Nicolette Aubourg: Vocals & Acoustic Guitar
Jorgen Carlsson: Bass, Electric Guitar & Percussion
Kenyon Frazer the dog: dog collar shakes
4. Craig’s List
“Craig’s List” is a tongue-in-cheek song about online dating on the website “craigslist”. I wrote this song before I knew that there was a real Craig behind this hugely successful website!
Dear Craig,
Thank you for the list. I must admit at first I thought of everyone I’d kiss!
There was the artist, and frugal Martin, and everyone that I dissed -
so many emails, so exciting - a whole new world, so inviting!
Dear Craig,
Thank you for the list.
You gave me hope when I had none -
I thought I was dismissed.
Lots of photos, lots of typos - why can’t we even spell?
And why does it take so long to make the transition to the phone?
Behind the profile we can be the person of their dreams;
post a photo ten years old and maybe we will fit their mould!
Dear Craig,
Thank you for the list.
You gave me hope when I had none -
I thought I was dismissed.
And now and then there is the one who makes it seem worthwhile.
We even talk and meet, and swap the details of our lives!
But then he emails less and less - did I misread something he said?
I check the saved ones to be sure, but I’m no wiser than before.
Dear Craig,
Thank you for the list.
You gave me hope when I had none -
I thought I was dismissed.
Dear Craig,
PS. Who are you?
Are you single?
Do you get my gist?
Words & Music by Nicolette Aubourg ©2005
Nicolette Aubourg: Vocals & Acoustic Guitar
Jorgen Carlsson: Bass & Electric Guitar
Erik Eldenius: Drums & Percussion
Jeff Young: Hammond B3 Organ
5. Never trust a Gemini
(These lyrics were written “tongue-in-cheek” and were not intended to be offensive to anyone, - in particular those born under the sign of Gemini, against whom I bear no prejudice!)
You carry your cat to bed;
you’ve beautiful things in your head.
Your eyes are the colour of the woods,
where no-one has spoken or stood.
And I will never trust a Gemini -
I will never trust a Gemini again.
You give and you take it away -
you make me a fool every day.
I’m stupid - I don’t understand
the warmth in the touch of your hand.
And I will never trust a Gemini -
I will never trust a Gemini again.
I have your hands in my memory -
the same hands that paint with poetry.
I see your creations in every tree;
I see your door closing in front of me.
And I will never trust a Gemini -
I will never trust a Gemini again,
Gemini, Gemini, Gemini…
Words & Music by Nicolette Aubourg ©2005
Nicolette Aubourg: Vocals & Acoustic Guitar
Jorgen Carlsson: Bass, Electric Guitar & Percussion
6. Garden of Remembrance/Nine-Eleven
(Like many, I was very affected by the 9/11 terrorist attack on the USA and the subsequent events. To kill in the name of God strikes me as absurd and senseless. The images of the huge, broken towers stayed with me, and I pictured a beautiful garden of remembrance one day taking their place.)
In the garden of remembrance
we sat down and thought about
those final hours and what it is
that we all share:
the same God,
or the same fear.
In the garden of remembrance
those left behind cling to their grief,
or feel the guilt of being alive,
bathed in sunlight -
as it is now,
as it was before.
There’s nothing sacred, nothing holy in the aftermath -
the twisting of the truth, twisting of steel, beauty and youth:
no holy war, no sacrifice.
In the garden of remembrance
we sang songs into the night
in candlelight, sorrow and pride.
And we all shared
the same God,
the same fear.
There’s nothing sacred, nothing holy in the aftermath -
the twisting of the truth, twisting of steel, beauty and youth:
no holy war, no sacrifice;
no holy war, no sacrifice …
Words & Music by Nicolette Aubourg ©2005
Nicolette Aubourg: Vocals & Acoustic Guitar
Jorgen Carlsson: Bass, Percussion, & Tibetan Finger Cymbals
Stefanie Fife: Cello
7. Crazy
I’m sorry that I was crazy;
I promised I would change.
It must have been hard to never know
if I would stay or go.
I miss you in the morning,
I miss you every day.
I wish that I could have been the one
to make your life ok.
But I’m like a fish that is floundering, -
swimming up and down against the wake.
Can’t you see that I’m as lost as you;
can’t you see I need forgiveness too?
I’m sorry that I hurt you.
I wish you knew how much it hurt me too.
If I was older, younger, wiser,
I’d have known what to do.
But I’m like a fish that is floundering -
swimming up and down against the wake.
Can’t you see that I’m as lost as you;
can’t you see I need forgiveness too?
So “grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change,
grant me the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference…”*
Music by Nicolette Aubourg; Words by Nicolette Aubourg
except *last verse quotes “The Serenity Prayer”
©2005 Nicolette Aubourg
Nicolette Aubourg: Vocals & Acoustic Guitar
Jorgen Carlsson: Bass & Percussion
Jeff Young: Piano & Hammond B3 Organ
8. Gratefully
(This is a song about loss. Ironically, I wrote this song before my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer, but it has become a song I associate with her. The original inspiration came from a friend’s comment about losing someone you love when she said, “You never get over it. You just change”.)
I’m changed forever,
I’m helpless:
I saw the sweet surrender
in your final breath.
Take away my weakness
with your newfound strength.
Take away my sadness
with your peacefulness.
And in time, if I let go,
forgive me if I stop to grieve.
You know that there will always be
a part of you inside me.
I’m changed forever -
I’m changed forever,
gratefully.
I need a sign from you -
something that I can feel.
I need a hundred reasons
this was meant to be.
And in time, if I let go,
forgive me if I stop to grieve.
You know that there will always be
a part of you inside me.
I’m changed forever -
I’m changed forever,
gratefully, gratefully, gratefully.
Words & Music by Nicolette Aubourg ©2003
Nicolette Aubourg: Vocals & Acoustic Guitar
Jorgen Carlsson: Bass & Percussion
Stefanie Fife: Cello
9. Ode to a Dog
(One night I was rehearsing some songs in front of a very happy dog. He lay near me, smiling and intently focused on me, so I made up a song for him and sang it to him. This is what came to me, but I dedicate it to all dogs, who so generously give their love to us, unconditionally.)
If I could learn from you - your smiling face,
If I could learn from you - your simple grace,
If I could learn from you,
I’d be renewed.
If I could learn from you – priorities:
play hard, sleep long, don’t bear a grudge
no matter how you’re wronged -
I’d be at peace.
“Give more than you take,
accept with grace,
appreciate anything at all”:
words of wisdom from the mind of a dog.
If I could learn from you - trust everyone;
don’t see their faults, don’t be their judge.
Be their best friend
to the very end.
“Give more than you take,
accept with grace,
appreciate anything at all”:
words of wisdom from the mind of a dog.
Words & Music by Nicolette Aubourg ©2005
Nicolette Aubourg: Vocals & Acoustic Guitar
Jorgen Carlsson: Percussion
Jeff Young: Keyboards
Stefanie Fife: Cello
10. Caught in your flame
I wish that you would hold me all night long.
I wish the words you told me would make me strong.
But I am only human, and I go on
thinking you will want me, as time goes on.
You think I’m the same but you don’t know how much I’ve changed.
Like a bird caught in your flame, I will never be the same.
I wish that you could see me for who I am.
I wish that you could be me, and understand
the tides of emotion that bring me back,
every time I’m leaving - every time I heal.
You think I’m the same but you don’t know how much I’ve changed.
Like a bird caught in your flame, I will never be the same.
I want to be alone again without the loneliness;
I want to be whole again without the broken heart.
Words & Music by Nicolette Aubourg ©2005
Nicolette Aubourg: Vocals & Acoustic Guitar
Jorgen Carlsson: Bass, Percussion, Electric Guitar
11. You don’t care
You make me question everything I thought I was,
I thought I knew.
I’m drowning on the waves of you that make me feel
so abused.
And even if I could defend myself to you,
it would not change the fact that you don’t care.
And even if I gain a little self-respect,
it does not change the fact that you don’t care.
I have no power to change you past, your pain,
your sadness, your cold heart,
and it makes me feel so helpless, -
like a song without a start.
And even if I could defend myself to you,
it would not change the fact that you don’t care.
And even if I gain a little self-respect,
it does not change the fact that you don’t care.
But I won’t abandon you; I won’t put out your flame.
I’ll find a place that I can’t reach, - high on a shelf,
to store the pain.
And even if I could defend myself to you,
it would not change the fact that you don’t care.
And even if I gain a little self-respect,
it does not change the fact that you don’t care.
Don’t treat me this way anymore.
I’m here with a heart that has a door.
You know the way in, -
open the door
if you want more.
Words & Music by Nicolette Aubourg ©2005
Nicolette Aubourg: Vocals & Acoustic Guitar
Jorgen Carlsson: Bass, Electric Guitar & Percussion
12. Cloths of Heaven
“Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.”*
Tread softly,
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams…
Words by W. B. Yeats, Music by Nicolette Aubourg © 2006
* Quotation from “He wishes for the cloths of heaven” by
W. B. Yeats (1865–1939)
Nicolette Aubourg: Vocals & Acoustic Guitar
Stefanie Fife: Cello
13. City of Angels
(I lived in the Hollywood hills for a long time. I found the natural images and the creative history of the people who’ve lived there very inspiring…)
The ghosts of the hills hang their misty breath
on trees that wait for rain.
Red-tailed hawks bear the cry of idols
long since gone, -
now immortalized
in digital.
Desolate, spectacular,
ominous, promising:
land of plenty,
plenty of pain.
A place called the City of Angels;
a place called the City of Angels, -
waiting, waiting for rain.
The mystery of the hills as they wind within
the secrets of the minds of that dwell therein,
will deepen still, deepen still.
And the trees that brace the desert sun
forget their roots that began in different lands,
and call this their home.
A place called the City of Angels;
a place called the City of Angels, -
waiting, waiting for rain.
Some are forsaken, forgotten, forgiven here.
Some are the lost souls watching through a coyote’s eyes -
waiting, waiting for rain;
waiting, waiting for rain.
Words & Music by Nicolette Aubourg ©2005
Nicolette Aubourg: Vocals & Acoustic Guitar
Jorgen Carlsson: Bass, Percussion, Electric Guitar
Jeff Young: Hammond B3 Organ
14. To the Moon
“Art thou pale for weariness
Of climbing heaven and gazing on the earth,
Wandering companionless
Among the stars
That have a different birth, -
And ever changing, like a joyless eye
That finds no object worth its constancy?” *
…Wandering companionless
Among the stars
That have a different birth,
Companionless
Among the stars
That have a different birth …
* Quotation from “To the Moon”
by Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792 – 1822)
Words by Percy Bysshe Shelley
Music by Nicolette Aubourg © 2006
Nicolette Aubourg: Vocals & Acoustic Guitar
Jeff Young: Keyboard
GRAND VIEW DRIVE (Album, released 2002)
1. Grand View Drive
(inspired by a street in the Hollywood Hills)
Find me a place where time is standing still,
like the taunting silence before a storm,
scanning the wasteland’s boned submission;
the formidable repose through transition.
When did we learn that time is the enemy
and try to transcend it and try to forget?
Resentment can only steal time from the burdened,
and even now with our aspirations, we’re forced to choose.
And here we are watching the city,
spread like a hawk from sky to sky,
and every thigh heaves the night-lights
through the Palisades, into the bay.
If we’d made the choice somewhere in the past,
would we still be trying to hold onto the second hand?
Now we feel the beat, but it’s our bodies’ own,
trying to learn a lesson in a foreign land.
And here we are watching the city,
spread like a hawk from sky to sky,
and every thigh heaves the night-lights
through the Palisades, into the bay.
I feel your touch;
so strange but I’ve known you,
sweet as the night on Grand View Drive;
sweet as your touch on Grand View Drive,
and I know I’ve known you before.
You and I will be travellers
on her every vein;
you and I will wear the thorns
of her domain;
we’ll wear the thorns of her domain…
Vocal & background vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Acoustic guitars: Nicolette Aubourg
Bass: Doug Baker
Drums & bell-tree: Neil Sebba
Electric guitar & backwards solo: Frank Simes
Tambourine: Bob Sheehan
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg
© 1987 – 1992/Syresham Music/ASCAP
2. I Never Meant to Change You
(inspired in part by a chapter in Kahlil Gibran’s “The Prophet”)
I have changed you into someone
you were never meant to be.
I have locked you in and lost the
key to what you meant to me.
Forgive me; I never meant to change you.
Did I break your spirit with my rules,
chill you with my tears,
take away your laughter,
give you all my fears,
break your spirit with my rules,
chill you with my tears,
take away your laughter,
give you all my fears?
Forgive me, I never meant to change you.
I have been the rainy one who
saw the sadness everywhere
and I have been no good for you,
overcome with this despair.
Forgive me; I never meant to change you.
Did I break your spirit with my rules,
chill you with my tears,
take away your laughter,
give you all my fears,
break your spirit with my rules,
chill you with my tears,
take away your laughter,
give you all my fears?
Forgive me, I never meant to, -
I never meant to change;
I never meant to change you.
We have danced as one so long
we've forgotten how we danced alone,
and we have shared the cup of life
so long that we still thirst for our own.
Forgive me; I never meant to change you.
Did I break your spirit with my rules,
chill you with my tears,
take away your laughter,
give you all my fears,
break your spirit with my rules,
chill you with my tears,
take away your laughter,
give you all my fears?
Forgive me, I never meant to, -
I never meant to change;
I never meant to change you.
Vocal & background vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Acoustic guitars: Nicolette Aubourg
Bass: Jorgen Carlsson
Bell-tree: Neil Sebba
B3: Robert Fedeli
Doumbek & tambourine: Bob Sheehan
Drums: Bob Sheehan
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg
© 1998/Syresham Music/ASCAP
3. When I was old
(lyrics by my Mom, Anne Aubourg)
Long ago, when I was old, -
was it just some days ago,
you took me where the grass is greener,
out of my mind, into your dream.
Long ago, when I was old, - was it just some days ago?
Long ago, when I was old, - was it just some days ago?
You brushed away my inhibitions,
laughed about my imperfections.
You took me where the grass is greener,
out of my mind, into your heart.
Long ago, when I was old, - was it just some days ago?
Long ago, when I was old, - was it just some days ago?
You threw away my broken dreams,
empty voices, futile choices.
You took me where the grass is greener,
out of my mind, into your life.
Long ago, when I was old, - was it just some days ago?
Long ago, when I was old, - was it just some days ago?
Long ago, when I was old, - was it just some days ago, -
long ago…
Vocal & background vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Acoustic guitars: Nicolette Aubourg
Low-strung guitar: Nicolette Aubourg
Low tom-tom: Bob Sheehan
Piano: Adam Chester
Tambourine: Bob Sheehan
Violin: Charlie Bisharat
Lyrics by Anne Aubourg; music by Nicolette Aubourg
© 1999/Syresham Music/ASCAP
4. Find a way
(for Tumbleweed)
I miss you; there’s no denying.
Nothing can bring you back to me.
Can I carry on; carry on
this way?
Was this lifetime all we had;
with all the lessons we never learned?
Was it good enough; good enough
for you in the end?
It’s not supposed to be this way;
it’s not the way it was explained.
I’m supposed to understand
but instead I feel so sad.
The wild horses are in my head;
wild courage, like a prayer.
Will they rescue me; rescue me
from despair?
It’s not supposed to be this way;
it’s not the way it was explained.
I’m supposed to understand
but instead I feel so sad.
I will find a way, find a way to start again.
I will find a way, find a way to start again…
Vocal & background vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Acoustic & electric guitars: Nicolette Aubourg
Bass: Doug Baker
B3: Robert Fedeli
Drums: Bob Sheehan
Violin: Charlie Bisharat
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg
© 1998/Syresham Music/ASCAP
5. Be the one
(Inspired by a drawing by Michèle Aubourg)
Speak slowly now, - make the moment, make the moment last.
Golden the sun, lingering longer for us.
Say you’ll be the one, you’ll be the one for me;
you’ll be the one, you’ll be the one for me.
Fragrant the night, silver the moonlight, for us.
In the old garden where the petals fall, we are one.
The way you look at me, you look at me,
I know you’ll be the one, you’ll be the one for me.
Where the sun goes down, near the water’s edge, be mine.
I have left your name in a secret place, so small.
Be the one, be the one for me.
Be the one, be the one for me…
Vocal & background vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Acoustic guitars: Nicolette Aubourg
Low-strung guitar: Nicolette Aubourg
Bass: Doug Baker
B3: Robert Fedeli
Cello: Stefanie Fife
Drums: Bob Sheehan
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg
©1998/Syresham Music/ASCAP
6. Good enough for you
Good enough for you;
if I were good enough for you,
all the things that I would do
would make us so happy, -
so happy, yeah.
Where the river flows beneath the thorn trees,
I’d hold you close and wash away bad memories,
and in the cool and lucid water, like a dream,
all imperfections pale in one reflection.
Good enough for you;
if I were good enough for you,
all the things that I would do
would make us so happy, -
so happy, yeah.
Where the bridge of time unites all then and now;
where a hundred horses still are running wild;
where the feathered clouds of evening stain a gentle sky,
if I could be the one to take you there, I would.
Good enough for you;
if I were good enough for you,
all the things that I would do
would make us so happy, -
so happy, yeah.
Where the moon is caught between the dusk and dawn
and spills her light across the place where all roads end,
into the garden of perfection where those angels tread, -
if I could walk forever with you there, I would; I would...
But time, - it slips away;
am I destined to stay
in my lonely room?
Good enough for you...
Good enough for you...
Vocal & background vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Acoustic guitars: Nicolette Aubourg
Low-strung guitar: Nicolette Aubourg
Bass: Jorgen Carlsson
B3: Robert Fedeli
Drums & tamborine: Bob Sheehan
Electric guitar: Frank Simes
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg
© 1998/Syresham Music/ASCAP
7. Lay down your arms
Lay down your arms and embrace me;
lay down your arms and embrace me.
My eyes have seen it all,
and I can’t take anymore of our war.
Lay down your arms and embrace me;
lay down your arms and embrace me.
My ears have heard it all
and my body wants to fall down.
Lay down your arms and embrace me;
lay down your arms and embrace me.
In my words I tried to tell you,
but your mind was full of hell for me.
Lie next to me;
we will agree…
Lay down your arms and embrace me;
lay down your arms and embrace me.
Vocal & background vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Acoustic guitars: Nicolette Aubourg
Low-strung guitar: Nicolette Aubourg
Tibetan finger cymbals: Nicolette Aubourg
Cello: Stefanie Fife
Doumbek, Ghana drum & tambourine: Bob Sheehan
Piano: Adam Chester
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg
©2000/Syresham Music/ASCAP
8. Crack of light
The white moon rolls slowly around your room,
shining your face on everything that I see.
Through the incense and the pyres
of your history and mine,
we share only this reality:
we are fragments of the restless night,
bonded only by this strange desire.
We are pursued by the moon’s embrace,
tracing every move we make,
persistent as your hair sweeping my face.
But even this much is enough for my heart;
I have no illusions of more on your part.
Watch the crack of light under your door;
I’ll be the shadow that falls.
I’m losing myself in your reckless life,
drifting closer to the edge each time.
The rapture and the anguish
rise and subside as we slide
on sheets that breathe the essence of your touch.
And through it all I watch your eyes catch fire,
bright as light from trains that pierce the night.
But all the sadness that I could ever feel
won’t start to fill the void,
knowing you and I are so estranged.
But even this much is enough for my heart;
I have no illusions of more on your part.
Watch the crack of light under your door;
I’ll be the shadow that falls.
We watch our shadows grow and fall,
spreading like ink across the floor.
You’re seeping into the secrets
and the crevices of my mind;
your indelible eyes have stained me
and I won’t forget your eyes.
I won’t forget, in this life...
Vocal & background vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Acoustic guitars & low-strung guitar: Nicolette Aubourg
Udu & triangle: Bob Sheehan
Violin: Charlie Bisharat
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg
© 1987 – 1992/Syresham Music/ASCAP
9. The Waves of Time
Smoke is curling the blue haze framing your face,
writing the letters of your name
as if it’s just a game,
and we are pawns in play.
And in this room full of smoke and laughter we hide,
watching the candle breaking down;
tasting all the years
through wine and our own tears.
Should I wait for you;
will you wait for me?
On the waves of time
will our love subside?
On the waves of time
how fragile are our lives.
Clothes that tangle in moonlight flooding the floor,
fragrant with secrets that we shared
whisper in the dawn,
whisper the unknown.
And in this séance we search for answers again.
Finding the pictures out of place,
the images unchained
fall through our hands like rain.
Should I wait for you;
will you wait for me?
On the waves of time
will our love subside?
On the waves of time
how fragile are our lives.
And maybe the voices in my head
can wrestle with the demons in your bed
and make sense of this…
Should I wait; will you wait?
Should I wait; will you wait,
on the waves of time…
Vocal & background vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Acoustic guitars & low-strung guitar: Nicolette Aubourg
Cello: Stefanie Fife
Low tom-tom & tambourine: Bob Sheehan
Piano: Adam Chester
Tibetan finger cymbals: Nicolette Aubourg
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg
© 2000/Syresham Music/ASCAP
10. No More Fallen Angels
And if I cling a bit too long
to what we had and what is gone,
I will forgive myself;
I’ll learn this lesson very well.
I will be strong.
A broken angel is all I find,
sifting through the ashes of this fire.
You’ve become the petals pressed between the
leaves of time;
another chapter over without reasoning or rhyme,
- an unfinished song.
How many times do I have to tell myself
I’m over you?
How many times do I have to tell myself
I’m over you, over you?
The valley calm, the river wide,
the cricket’s song, the joker wild,
bestow on me the secret you’ve been holding deep inside
that grants you the strength to be yourself without denial,
and I will be strong.
How many times do I have to tell myself
I’m over you?
How many times do I have to tell myself
I’m over you, over you?
No more fallen angels in my life;
I will let you go and watch the wind lift you high.
No more fallen angels in my life;
No more fallen angels in my life...
Vocal & background vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Acoustic guitars: Nicolette Aubourg
Low-strung guitar: Nicolette Aubourg
B3: Robert Fedeli
Cymbal, low tom-tom & “xylojunk”: Bob Sheehan
Piano: Adam Chester
Violin: Charlie Bisharat
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg
© 1998/Syresham Music/ASCAP
11. Dust on Dust
We are stars thrown across the earth;
who knows how long we’ll burn this time.
You’ll leave your mark and I’ll leave mine;
who knows how long we will burn this time.
Watch the headlights passing in the night
that fill the falling rain with sparks of light.
A thousand stars of reason break like glass;
a thousand lives in silence quickly pass.
And there is nothing here but dust on dust;
still, I hold you in my heart, - a lovers’ trust.
And I believe in you, believe in you:
the spirit recognizes all things true.
Watch me curl beside you as I sleep;
be the last to feel my heart beat.
Wear the moon’s white face as we embrace;
your presence at the end will be my escape.
And there is nothing here but dust on dust;
still, I hold you in my heart, - a lovers’ trust.
And I believe in you, believe in you:
the spirit recognizes all things true.
I do not come to you for your rescue;
I do not come to you for your knowledge.
I do not ask for more than what we have;
who could ask for more...
Vocal & background vocals: Nicolette Aubourg
Acoustic guitars: Nicolette Aubourg
Low-strung guitar: Gavin Lurssen
Cello: Stefanie Fife
Cymbal, low tom-tom & djembe: Bob Sheehan
Ebow: Gavin Lurssen
Music & Lyrics by Nicolette Aubourg
© 1998/Syresham Music/ASCAP